Numb
by fearblank
Summary: Written for Jolly2 on dA... Oneshot about why Sirius left his family. Better than it sounds... Involves mention of a few of the marauder era characters, including my own OC...


Written for Jolly2 on Deviant art, inspired by her pic (http/jolly2. ... It was written quite a while ago though... hope you like it...

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"Oh, you saw her dress, didn't you? It was scandalously low cut!"  
"Yes, I did. How sad that she was so plain. It's what comes from having the blood of filth in your veins."

Sirius closed his eyes and pursed his lips, a desperate plea to, for once, not send a sniping comment at his mother and aunt. The entire family had been gathered for tea that afternoon by invitation of his mother, which meant that Sirius was obligated to attend, or suffer consequences. They were all lounging in the handsome and superior way that all Blacks had in the drawing room, sipping tea as they made polite conversation. Sirius had been placed unluckily between his two cousins-in-law, who were talking over top of him as if he didn't exist. His mother sat across the room from him, next to the fire with his aunt, Bellatrix and Narcissa's mother. The conversation of the two had continued to float to his ears as the gossiped from one lady to the next who had attended the Ministry Ball but two nights previous. Of course, the Purebloods were all given good notes from the elder women, and anyone with even a hint of inferior genetic makeup was dropped, scorned and been laughed at for their faults.

The Lady in question who they were now insulting was Angie Smith. Muggle born wife of the Head of the Auror Department. Who also happened to be the parents of Sirius' long term Girlfriend, which was why he couldn't take this torture, it was hitting close to home. At least when they were saying things about other people, he usually didn't know them, but Angie didn't deserve this kind of Insulting. Especially from two pureblooded women who hadn't been considered beautiful in years. They usually got called pretty.  
"And, you saw those wretched Potters, didn't you, Walburga? Why Eleanor chose the Muggle loving fool, I'll never know."  
"Yes, remember in school, we hated Gerard and his gang of antagonistic Gryffindors, but then she up and married him! I can understand why she was put into Ravenclaw, she never would have cut it as a Slytherin."  
"Mmmm… If you ask me, I'm willing to believe that perhaps she wasn't pure after all."  
"Hmmm?"  
"Well, I've heard that her mother wasn't the most faithful woman in the world, apparently she was sleeping around with the Muggle Butcher until she fell pregnant with Eleanor."  
"Oh, what a scandal! But I wouldn't put it past her. That woman was as Muggle loving as the rest of them. Wouldn't surprise me if she was a Mudblood herself, just under disguise of one as pure as us."  
And finally, Sirius snapped.

"Shut up." He said in a low voice. Lucius and Rodolphus stopped speaking in surprise as they looked down at their younger cousin in law, who had slid halfway down his green and silver embroidered chair.  
"And don't get me started about their son, in love with one of the filthiest of them all!" The two laughed, but it seemed to all ears to be a menacing cackle.  
"I said shut up." All eyes now swiveled to Sirius. His mother narrowed her own set and a nasty smile slid onto her face.  
"What did you say?" She said in a sweet tone.  
"Shut up. I want you to shut up about my friends." Mrs. Black made a tisking sound as she gave a false sympathetic look to her eldest child.  
"Oh, poor, dear, Sirius! I forgot. You're friends with the low life and scum, aren't you? In fact, you're just like them, a Gryffindor blood-traitor, dating a half-blood who is a Muggle lover like her father. Perhaps you belong with her, her and all of those other filthy friends you keep in spite of your blood." Sirius shook his head in disgust and loathing at his mother and stood; pulling down the red sweatshirt he was wearing and stalking silently out of the room. He entered the long hall and started to head towards the stairs where his room lay, covered in pictures of Muggle girls and Gryffindor memorabilia. He heard the door open and shut behind him and the heavy footfalls that trailed his.

"Stop" came the deep, commanding voice of Orion Black, his father. Sirius paused in his angry tirade, trying to control his expression and his hatred towards his family. He turned to face the man, dressed in his Slytherin pureblood glory. It wasn't the way he dressed that made it hard to suppress his violent feelings though, it was the fact that the man in front of him was showing no emotion on his slightly wrinkled face.  
"What?" Sirius spat at his father, who showed no reaction. "What do you want from me?"  
"Apologize." His father commanded.  
"What!" It was more of a statement than a question as Sirius looked on in disgust at the thought of apologizing.  
"Apologize to you mother and cousins. You have upset them with your actions." Orion stayed calm in the face of his struggling son.  
"No. Not unless they are willing to apologize to me. They insulted me more than I did." Orion sneered at the head-strong boy before him.  
"They aren't the ones who have insulted the name Black."  
"How the Hell have I Insulted the Black family?" He demanded of the man who stood a foot over him.  
"Where to start? You befriend Mud bloods and Muggle lovers. You defied us and became Gryffindor, slandering your mother and I in the Pureblood society. And last of all, you date one of those filthy half-bloods and claim that you "love" her. You drag us all down with you." Sirius gave his father a smile. Not one to say, hey we've been joking around, but a nasty grin that mixed in with Sirius' warped sneer.  
"Then doesn't that make you worse than me? Weren't you the one who loved a Mudbl-" Sirius never finished his word. The derogatory word that he hadn't use since he had been eleven and first met Lily, the Muggle born who had been his first friend when he had started. The only Gryffindor who had spoken to him after he had been sorted into the house instead of Slytherin. He never finished it as he had felt a heavy blow glace his lower face as his father backhanded him.

"Insolent boy. You will pay for your lies." He spat at the boy and looked pleased as he saw the first sign of blood appearing.  
"So you would hurt your son in face of the truth? To stop your secret from spreading any further? God, you are a sad, sad old man." Sirius' eyes burned with fury which was reflected in his fathers' own steely grey orbs.  
"You are no son of mine." Orion turned and calmly paced his way back towards the drawing room where the ladies cackling laughter had started once more.

Sirius kept his eyes on the mans back as he raised the back of his hand to his lip, where he could taste the saltiness of his own blood, the red liquid spreading to cover his knuckles and dribbling down his neck. He couldn't feel the pain of the wound, which wasn't at all the first he had received. He couldn't feel the pain from the stinging remark that the man he had called his father had made. He didn't even feel pain from the fact that he would never return here again. He was numb. Exempt from all kind of hurt or feelings. He knew that these people could never cause him pain again. They were no longer his family; they were just strangers that he had seen before in a crowd of people. Sirius had made up his mind that night. He was leaving, for good, and he would never see those people again. He would never be like them.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_


End file.
